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Thursday, August 9, 2012

Young love, old love. Then there's marriage


I've yet to come across a female character who is more beautiful, complex, strong and convincing as Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City.  She's not your typical Hollywood beauty but there's something so charming and exuberant about her character that I still find myself missing her..missing her voice, wit, charm and grace.

Just like Carrie who moved onto the next stage of her life, I too have moved on. I'm now a mother of two children and a wife of a businessman.  I surprised myself and others by putting aside my career to take care of the kids and surprise myself everyday by doing things I never thought I would do like biting my tongue in front of certain people for the sake of my children.

The stubborn, prideful, I'm-too-good-for-this-and-that girl is slowly being replaced by a maternal and nurturing woman and I'm the first to be shocked at this change----or growth shall I say?

LOVE IN 20s

In my 20s I didn't grasp the true meaning of selfless love and felt it was some form of cardinal sin to confess my feelings to a man and let my guard down first.  Relationship with men seemed like a complex game of give and take, of measuring the weight of the return from what I was willing to give.  I don't think this was because I was superficial or calculating; I was simply insecure and scared to have my heart broken. It was more of a survival mechanism, of protecting my heart before the next possible attack by a careless man.

In this way love was passionate yet reserved, real yet fearful and inconvenient yet at anyone's expense.  All it took was one person to say "sorry this isn't working" and just like that, the relationship was over.  Love was a source of great anxiety and uncertainty--and just like that I went through one failed relationship to the next.

I guess even these mistakes were a part of my fate, as somehow, somewhere along the way, I reconnected with an old friend who passionately proclaimed his love and dedication for me, whose love was real enough for me to entrust my life to.

LOVE IN 30s  (in progress) 

Today I find myself in my 30's, still married to the same man I met as a friend in high school. We were passionately in love, had two beautiful children and while none of these were planned to a tee, they were definitely blessings, great blessings in disguise.

A once ridiculous, inconvenient and consuming love brought us here today and we now find ourselves in a different kind of relationship called marriage.  It's one of practicality, functionality, security and comfort.  We take turns, do things for each other, compromise, communicate our needs, co-parent and try to avoid fights around our children.  It takes on a different meaning, but a much deeper meaning since this is no longer just about us and our feelings.

I do miss young love, that of raw and fiery passion but I'm grateful for old love, the kind that brings a sense of security and comfort that can only be created through many years of adjustment, sacrifice and fights.  I would be lying if I say I still feel butterflies around a man I've known half of my life, but when I do feel them, they are louder and more real than ever.

Now I know how it feels to be loved without having to look and feel my best, and feeling beautiful even on a bad hair day or bad hormonal breakouts. Now I finally understand the feeling of security and comfort around a man whose love for me is much deeper than what meets the eyes.

Many years later I know his love for me remains real.  He cares about my feelings, my desires, my dreams and my fears-- and even though he's seen me through my worst, he remains firm in his promise to push me around in a wheelchair when I'm old.


YOUNG LOVE vs. OLD LOVE



Young love...old love...

Every young love will turn old one day and walking away from old love means you now have a chance of creating another young love. Which is better? Is there even such a thing as the better love? Is young love simply a passing stage to get to the ultimate old love or is old love there to teach us the importance of the young passion we once shared?

I wonder if Carrie Bradshaw can answer this question and if she did..what she would say. Perhaps she's out there somewhere asking the same question since even Mr. Big would be old love by now.

I'm looking for love. REAL love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love....

In midst of motherhood and real life problems of a 30-something year old, I still dream about this kind of love.

Perhaps this is why I, like millions of women across the world, love Carrie Bradshaw so much. She captured the most essential part of romance and froze it in time, making it immortal, untouchable and ALWAYS fashionable.

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