First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love

By Eliza J Photography

Many years ago I thought I knew love well enough to be married and have a child. First comes love then comes marriage...this is what we hear and come to believe.

Today, two children and many struggles later, I realize real love comes after marriage and after children. Looking back now I didn't know a thing about love...real love...the kind that is selfless, patient, forgiving and self-giving.

No other words embody this love better than the bible, a simple verse from the first Book of Corinthian that I'm all too familiar with. I heard this verse many times throughout my life but it carried little meaning and weight until now.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.   

Today as I look through photos from our recent family photo session, these words awaken me from deep slumber and stir my heart from the depth of my soul.

I'm falling in love with my family all over again.

This love is not instantaneously gratifying and often comes without a fair return. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I'm left hopeless, tired and isolated in my struggles and worry.

This love forces you to give up everything you've loved and known for the sake of another human being. This love brings you down, wears you out and asks you to repeat it all over again the next morning without giving up.  This love is difficult and at times painful.  This love is far from perfect and neither is my family.

Yet I love them deeply and whole-heartedly without regret. I don't love them simply because they bring me joy & happiness. I love them even though I know their deepest weaknesses and darkest fears. I can't help but to love them...This must be love- real love- the kind that God tries to teach us through family & children.

photos by eliza j photography

I know my love is not perfect and my struggles are far from over. But today in this moment, my life is better and more complete than any perfection I envisioned until now.

God's love is truly like the rainbow, it can only be created after heavy rain.

Today my heart is filled with a thousand butterflies fluttering and whispering words of real love and gratitude-- and this realization would not have been possible without my crazy, imperfect family.