Saturday, April 30, 2011

Duchess of Cambridge

Kate Middleton now known as Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge was absolutely stunning on her wedding day. The long-sleeved ivory satin & lace Alexander McQueen dress! The soft ivory tulle veil held by a Cartier Halo tiara! The understated bouquet of myrtle, lily-of-the valley & hyacinth! Her graceful walk! Her smile! Her presence! Is this not what every girl dreams about at least once in her life?

It's hard not to believe in past lives when I come across beautiful women like this who go from being a commoner to a Duchess through marriage. If past life exists, Kate Middleton must've done great deeds to deserve such blessing. I know no one's life is perfect but if there is one life that is near perfection or filled with maximum blessings, it must be hers.

Either way, she is absolutely gorgeous & graceful. What a sweet, sweet inspiration.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Spring Midnight

In perfect harmony with spirit of Easter, my husband decided to surprise me with these beautiful pink orchids. I was never good at keeping plants alive so this will be another attempt at learning.

It's 1:54 am and I'm still wide awake, mind filled with future plans and daily complexities. I think my daughters are sad about sudden changes in mom's schedule, but I know they'll understand one day. Despite my personal & professional goals in life, my heart is always with my beautiful daughters and will always be.

I live for them. I live because of them. I finally live a full life thanks to them.

On a different note, is there a better way to say I'm glad Jesus rose from the dead without sounding like every other Christian? I guess not.

But really Jesus, thank you for your birth, life, death & resurrection. You continue to give me hope and teach me valuable lessons in life. Thank you for making Easter possible. Thank you for another opportunity at renewal.

Love eternally,

Grateful Angela

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Humpday blues

Easter 2011

Just baked delicious Easter cookies with kids. Tasted even better than it looks. I'm tempted to say I made them from scratch including the bunny faces but no- I cheated and used a pre-made dough. Either way, the girls loved them and was kind enough to leave me half a cookie. Yeah, that pretty much sums up motherhood. You give a lot more than you take.

On another note, I'm starting school again three years after leaving grad school for domestic duties. As difficult as it was to leave school & career (both were interrelated for my career) it didn't take long for me to adjust to motherhood- throwing intelligence & analysis out the window and focusing on patience, understanding and endurance in the name of family. It's hard to be smart, driven AND be happy with mundane day-to-day duties. Don't let anyone else (especially other men who have no idea what motherhood entails) tell you otherwise. In order to survive full-time motherhood with happiness and gratitude, she must consciously dumb herself down through animal sounds, kiddie songs & silly faces.

She must stop listening to NPR and boycott politics, economy, philosophy, history, literature & science- aka things that matter in the real world for the time being- and be content with living in the world of Nickelodeon and Disney movies- things that mean the world to preschoolers. I've heard of supermoms who can attain perfect balance and negotiate both lifestyles but these moms remain as mythical figures in my book. I know two types of mothers: full-time working moms who are happy to leave their children at daycare/schools, grandma's or with nannies and and stay-at-home moms who would much rather spend time with their children than work. Yet I have yet to meet a mother who does both HAPPILY. The key word is HAPPILY. If you know of a mother who achieved this zen, please email me so I can contact her for guidance. I'll even bake her some Easter cookies.

Anyway I'm happy to announce that days of full-time motherhood are slowly coming to an end and I'm actually thinking about my OWN life again! According to Five Languages of Love, I feel love through receiving gifts and acts of service. I am always reminding my husband of this and today he was thoughtful enough to buy me a box full of school supplies. Way to go husband, way to go kids. Way to go me.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Love + Death, Eternity

The Perfect Lie by Artstudio Norarts

A little over a week ago, a dear friend lost her 31 year old husband unexpectedly and it has been heart wrenching to watch someone so young, bright & vibrant endure such a tragic loss. I also learned a lot, one important lesson being that loss, sadness & grief are all relative feelings and that it is up to the affected person to give it a beautiful or monstrous facade. My friend dealt with her sudden loss with so much grace, faith and beauty that my husband commented he saw an angel at the funeral service. Even in our 6 years of marriage and 14 years of friendship I know I never became this angel--- and I'd hate to wait until his death to become one.

As I sat in front of the open casket adorned with red roses, my eyes welled up with tears not of sadness but of joy. One's soul does live on upon death because I felt his presence all around me. He is now an angel teaching me that I do not yet know how to love. I know how to ask, seek and take but do not know how to love selflessly. I know how to love in my way with my own set of expectations but I do not yet know how to love selflessly. I envision selfless love to be something I must try, and try again until the moment of death. As my 4-year old daughter likes to say, that's okay--- because I still have another chance to learn, grow & love.

It's a shame that it takes momentous tragedies such as this to realize such a basic lesson in life. Life is too short and one can never have too much time to love and sacrifice for each other while we are still here on earth. I know this now and remain grateful to God and the beautiful couple for teaching me such fundamental lesson of life. Yet I also know too well that responsibilities, bills, kids and life will make it fade away with time.

I pray I can hold onto this feeling of humility, gratitude & selfless love just a little longer, even if it means just one more day, one more hour.