Self-portrait at 32

I'm 32 years old and no longer a naive, carefree girl in my 20's. I've failed in numerous relationships and made countless mistakes in my lifetime.

I've cried over unworthy men, been betrayed by manipulative girlfriends, hurt people I shouldn't have hurt and stayed loyal to those who didn't deserve my loyalty. I've been heartbroken; I've broken people's hearts.

Yet I've never loved myself as much as today. I don't know why, I have a dull, lingering headache and my body is fighting a cold. My hair needs a trim and I can really use facials. I no longer have the youthful glow every morning and am starting to see fine lines around my eyes. The height of my youth is passing by and I'm no longer idealistic about life, career and men.

Yet, I love myself wholeheartedly.

I finally realize what womanhood is all about. Womanhood is about loving oneself despite her past mistakes and present imperfections.

It's not about loving ourselves in vain without truly understanding our flaws and weaknesses. Rather, it's about fully acknowledging our shortcomings and being regretful of our mistakes yet not being bound by guilt, shame and resentment toward oneself or others.

It's about becoming one's best friend first before turning to others for happiness and truly understanding herself- both her strengths and weaknesses- while being mindful of her surroundings.

It's about refusing to let others define what it means to be a woman, mom and wife and instead, defining what it means for her by learning, growing and striving everyday to make herself happy first and foremost.

It's about making sacrifices for others without regret or bitterness, and loving others despite their flaws and pains. A real woman stands by her family despite their inherent weakness, because she understands that it is only through her strength and courage that the structure can withstand trials of life.

It's about learning to be selfish about her dreams and desires without forgetting to be selfless when it comes to other people. It's about keeping her love under control and in moderation, and not letting it become controlling, superfluous or fleeting.

It's about setting boundaries, especially with those she loves and not letting her love get in the way of other's passions and dreams.

Today, I truly love myself. And I plan to love myself more and more each day, not by wishing for things that have already passed, but by embracing who I am at this very moment.

So stop trying to define how a mom is supposed to look or act like, I don't even know what that means. I'm just me, that's all. I've always been me, and I will always be me.

No passing of time or trials of life can take that away from me.

I hope all women will realize that womanhood is boundless, timeless and eternally beautiful. We are all beautiful in our imperfections, geniuses in our madness.  Anything is fine, as long as we remember to judge a little less and care for ourselves from within.

In remembrance, I snap a self-portrait and mark this moment of clarity. These days I find myself more comfortable behind the camera but today I'll defy my usual boundaries and appreciate who I am today.