Last Sunday I was walking out of Easter mass when I felt someone looking at me. You know that feeling you get inside, like someone is looking at you from afar and you immediately begin to feel uncomfortable.
It was an ex-boyfriend from college, one of those boys who was placed in my life to teach me a lesson.
We used to go to the same church at one point in our lives but college, marriage and passing time parted our ways and I don't even remember the last time I saw him.
Oddly his face was still vaguely familiar, more mature and older looking, yet with the same distinct features. He was standing next to his wife and pushing a baby in a stroller and my eyes couldn't quite figure out which of the three to greet first.
If I could turn around I would've, but it was too late. I have to walk past them, through the door.
(He is looking at me. He looks surprised. Awkward silence fills the air)
Me: Oh...uh....didn't expected to see you, how are you?
(Awkward eye contact continues. I find it hard to stare at one place.)
Him: ...Good, how are you?
(Our eyes meet again for a brief second, must look elsewhere. I turn to his son)
Me: Oh so is this your boy? He is cute, this is my daughter....say hello.
(Daughter looks up silently and blinks several times. She is shy)
Him: Oh.. hi, so.. I see you at church....
Me: Uh....Ok.....yeah, see you around.
I walk away, don't say another word to my daughter, find my husband and don't say a word to him either. I don't know why, it's not like he would be upset. I think it's more so because I haven't quite processed my feelings about that short encounter until now.
I'm usually not the type to be at loss of words or be too nervous to talk (or be so nervous that I end up talking too much.) But I also was never in this type of situation either.
Looking back, it was the most awkward 20 seconds of my life and I don't quite have the right words to describe the odd feelings that washed over me in that short period of time.
It's funny how a person you think you love in your 20's can one day become a stranger you can't even talk to. It's funny how a person you used to hold and talk to daily can one day make you feel so strange.
I know what we had wasn't love, at least not the real kind, but I do remember our breakup clearly like it's yesterday. Come to think of it, that relationship taught me more about how NOT to break up than how to love.
And I didn't realize this, until now.
Our breakup happened overnight for no apparent reason, with little words and explanations. One day we just weren't into it anymore, and just like that, it was over--- overnight. I think I spent many months wondering what went wrong, but now I realize some breakups happen simply because it wasn't meant to be. No other reason but that.
And we ran into each other ten years later with our kids, on Easter.
Life is so random and unexpected. So strange, sometimes even stranger than fiction...
Next time Angela- if this must happen again- less words, more action. Smile, nod and walk away gracefully. No need to look back.
No comments:
Post a Comment