Happy 9th Birthday Elly

My dearest Elly

Where do I begin. You are the foundation of my life and the tie that binds our family. Without you we might not even be here today (and no, it's not an exaggeration) and thanks to you, I always had a reason to hold on a little longer, try a little harder and love more selflessly.

Raising you wasn't easy. With your pretty smiles and sweet giggles came many trials and uncertainties that began when you were barely one years old. You have no idea how much it hurt to know that you may be different from other kids.  I felt a deep sense of guilt and failure as a mother; as your mother. Yet your differences came with such abundance of blessings and love that I think I finally understand why God's plan is more perfect than our own.

Despite your sensitivities, you are a happy and healthy child. Your sister Tessa doesn't like to do anything without you and despite your sisterly quarrels, you are her best friend and play buddy. You have wonderful friends who like to hold you by the hand and show you new things.  You have an amazing set of family and friends who genuinely love you for who you are. I hope you felt how much love was in the air during your birthday song because baby, you are truly loved and so blessed.

You continue to radiate your surrounding with your angelic presence and purity. Everyone who gets to know you tell me you are an angel. Your innocence and beauty are so rare and so untainted, it sometimes makes me feel bad for others who eventually has to become worldly in order to survive.

You taught me one of the greatest lessons in life- and that is the ability to let Go and let God. You also taught me the value of spiritual over material, and precedence of inner purity over outwardly achievements. You show me God's love in its purest form- one that is selfless, unconditional and always hopeful.

Elise, you are an angel from heaven; my eternal grace and lifelong teacher. Thank you for coming into this world as my daughter because without you, my life would've been nothing but a meaningless cycle of superficial desires and worldly achievements.

Through you, I now understand the deeper meaning of love and faith. You are perfect just the way God made you. You are more perfect than anyone else I know.

Happy birthday my sweet child, I will take care of you and protect you eternally.

Happy 7th Birthday Elise!

Elise at Disneyland. 3. 29. 2012

We celebrated my daughter Elise's birthday by spending a day at Disneyland.  I can't believe she's already seven years old.  It is through her I got married at the premature age of 24 and because of her I'm doing what I do today.  She came as an unexpected surprise to my life and while there were many moments of uncertainty and anxiety as a young wife and mother, I can now confidently say that I am who I am today because of her.

She taught me countless invaluable lessons in life- the most important lesson being learning to let go of control and let God steer my life.  She taught me that no matter how articulate my plans are, none compares to that of God and that with every difficulty comes greater blessings.  This is not to say I'm at the end of my journey because difficulties are not over and greater blessings are on its way.  At times I still experience moments of despair and regret. Yet today, like every day of my life, I'm grateful that I am her mother and that she is my daughter.

My daughter still has many difficulties and needs daily medication and therapies to function like the average child.  I used to dedicate my prayers for her to "get better" and for her conditions "to improve."  Recently I began to realize how foolish I was, because God tells me that she is perfect just the way she is.

She has trouble with communication but knows how to connect better than some adults.  She needs medication but enjoys food like no other.  She loves to sing, dance, play, laugh and already knows how to enjoy the moment and be present in everything she does while I still struggle with this at age 31.  She has a stubborn streak like mommy but is already gifted with the art of letting go.  She does not harbor negativity and does not complain, judge or condemn like many of us.  She radiates her smile and laughter to everyone around her and teaches me everyday what it means to love without expectations.  She teaches me not to take anything for granted, that every little thing like reading, talking and exercising are only possible through God's grace.

She is love, love itself and serves as a daily reminder of the person I need to become.

Happy Birthday Elise!

I love you from the depth of my heart and without you, I could've never reached this deep. I owe the depth of my heart to you- my love, my life, my everything.