I've been waking up these days feeling much more inspired and motivated. As I recall, it was around this time of the year two years ago when I was suffering from disappointment & heartache. Everyday felt like struggle and I was trapped in these intense feelings of anger, hurt & betrayal.
I knew better, of course. I knew I need to stay positive, let go and move on but when one is in crisis, these things are much easier said than done. Often people are stuck in this negativity, and without even realizing it, move on in denial rather than resolution.
Humans are highly adaptable beings- and over time, we've mastered the process of denial, repression, avoidance & pretense. It's often much easier to move on without dealing with all the ugly feelings and covering them up with fake smiles. I don't blame anyone for this, as we have jobs to return to in the morning, bills to pay and responsibilities to uphold.
I too, tried this...without success- and perhaps it was this repeated failure that brought me to the lowest point in my darkest state.
Today I look back and am grateful that my threshold for avoidance, denial & repression is fairly low. Because of my heightened awareness of my own struggles and fears, I was able to face my problems head on and learn one important lesson- perhaps the most important lesson of my lifetime.
That there are things, many things in this world that I cannot do on my own.
One was forgiveness. It didn't come easily and I was trapped in anger for too long. At times I find myself going back to that dark place of loneliness & betrayal, that place where I feel completely and utterly alone and misunderstood.
What I needed was God and time. I needed to pray, seek and wait patiently. I waited..and waited. I wrote and waited. I read and waited. I waited and waited...
And one day, I woke up and realized
I wasn't angry anymore.
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