Happy Halloween!

It's Halloween, which officially marks the beginning of my favorite time of the year. This year's Halloween is more festive and fun-filled than usual, with my aunt having a costume party to celebrate her 60th birthday. It was our first time dressing up as family with aunts, uncles & parents and we had such an amazing time. Here I was, complaining about passing time while others were celebrating life as is, as it happens in their later years. Perhaps youth never really passes; innocence & joy does only if we allow it.

Life is too short to complain about things that are passing and being filled with regrets of the past. This is often easier said than done but as I await the holiday season, I remind myself once more to live my life, enjoy what life has to offer, and prepare myself for my next path, whatever that may be.

For my aunt's costume party, I dressed up as Snow White to parallel my girls' fairytale theme, one being Dorothy and the other being Little Red Riding Hood. I needed something family friendly and appropriate for the little ones although I secretly wished I can be something darker & sexier for once.  I think the girls are finally starting to grow out of their Disney Princess phase which means we can start dressing up as cooler characters like Superheroes, Adams Family & vampires hopefully by next year. I can't wait...becoming a mom made me enjoy Halloween so much that I look forward to it more each year.

Dorothy is all ready for Halloween in her Ruby slippers. Little Red Riding Hood is in school and can't wait for trick-or-treating with friends later tonight. Mommy plans to step into her long hooded robe so she can pass out candy and keep the Halloween spirit alive for her little ones as midnight priestess.

Halloween is all about spending time with loved ones, sharing laughter over silly costumes and keeping our innocence alive. It's about feeling like a child again, even for a day- and playing out a persona you've always admired or imagined. Don't let adulthood take that away from you ever; my aunt who just turned 60 and is still fabulous, will agree.

Happy Halloween wherever you are.

A letter to Virginia Woolf

"I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. Oh my dear, I can't be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly. You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don't love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defenses. And I don't really resent it."

Vita Sackville West, from a letter to Virginia Woolf dated 21 January 1926.

Are these not the most beautiful words ever?

Today's Inspiration: Maya Angelou

Q: What makes a truly great piece of written word? 

Maya Angelou: The truth...It either tells the truth, or it's not of very much use. 

I came across this poignant interview by Maya Angelou, a writer, activist and thinker whom I have the utmost admiration and fasciation for. It is women like her who makes me hopeful that perhaps I still have a chance at writing something useful and valuable for the generation, or at the very least be one of many representative voices for Asian American women today.

Words connect us across gender, race and social lines, this much is true- but there are experiences that are uniquely ours that deserve its own representation rather than always having to borrow that of writers like Maya Angelou.

This is not to discredit her work and talent of course. She is unprecedented and her mastery with language cannot be duplicated by anyone, but a girl can only dream that one day, I can connect with other souls who yearn to speak out and strengthen her generation like Maya Angelou did for hers.

I always dreamed of this but my dream got muddled with life somewhere along the way. I never knew motherhood was so consuming but it is- and I've learned that I'm not one of those women who can put her career before her children. I wish I was, but I'm not.

But a girl can still dream...

I'm still suffering from this cold that refuses to leave me; my head feels stuffy and clogged, like no worthy thought can enter or leave. I'd rather have a fever than this dull headache. I feel lifeless, thoughtless, dumb and dead.

I must've slept over 20 hours in two days. Something in my body keeps knocking me out to slumber but instead of waking up refreshed, I wake up more tired and lifeless...

I had a dream last night that I was getting dressed for a wedding ceremony. Instead of the usual white wedding dress however, I was wearing this beautiful traditional Korean costume called Hanbok. Something wasn't going as planned and the wedding planner claimed she forgot the candles. What is the meaning of this, I don't know..but I looked beautiful in my reflection and the dress was so colorful, vibrant and exquisite unlike anything I've seen in real life.

Usually I think and overedit when I write but today I'm just gonna tell the truth. Hopefully the more I practice the better my truth will get, not better in fabrication but in honesty and honesty only.

Love is like the rainbow

Rainbow by my home. 10, 2012.

It rained all day yesterday literally and figuratively. I welcomed the pouring rain with open arms as I was tired of the heat and scorching sun. Everything was starting to feel artificial and forced and I was glad to finally open my windows and breath in real air and hear the sound of raindrops, not the usual humming of air conditioning in my home.

Life seems to have reset itself. I always feel this after a day of pouring rain. The sky changes from dark, to gloomy, to spotty, to bright, to high, to low and back to dark...and while it goes through these countless transformation all I do is wait for a glimpse of a rainbow.

True love is like the rainbow, it can only be created after the rain.

God's love for us is like this, as he strengthens us through numerous trials...and love between two people are like this as well, as the person we love sometimes bring us to a new low. Without love there would not be so much pain.

I saw a double rainbow yesterday, a beautiful & vibrant one, and my five-year old was so excited as this was her very first. We excitedly ran outside in our rainboots and began to snap pictures before it disappears. It was one of those quiet joys in life that God sometimes graces us with when we least expect it, the kind that reminds us that He  is always watching over us.

Grateful for rainy days, especially rainbows after the storm.