Making Wishes for 2014

I'm starting the new year with one of the worst sicknesses of my lifetime. I'm sure life can be a lot worse but I never knew having strep throat can be so painful and cumbersome. Taking antibiotics three times a day leaves me with the worst nausea that reminds me of pregnancy morning sickness and my throat hurts so bad that simple acts like swallowing and eating are painful.

To top it off, my younger daughter is also sick and we are on matching antibiotics. Yay- twinning.

On the bright side, 2014 has already taught me some valuable lessons.

1. Strep throat is caused by a bacterial infection; bronchitis is caused by a viral infection.
2. Advil helps with various types of inflammations, including that of the throat.
3. I'm getting old.

Despite the fact that I'm feeling pretty shi**y right now, I'm still glad that I got to host another NYE get-together with my close girlfriends and their families. This may be the last year in this home and I'm thankful I got to make lasting memories with people who make me laugh and hopeful.

We also began a cool New Year's tradition this year- the lighting of the wishing lantern. I was initially concerned about safety but the lanterns proved to be safe in an open outdoor space without too much wind. As expected the kids loved making their New Year's wishes and letting the lanterns float up to the sky. I wish I captured the moment better on my camera, but I was preoccupied with making wishes for my family and breathing in the beauty and excitement of the night.

All in all, this NYE was one of the best I've had since getting married and having kids. I'm already looking forward to celebrating next year's NYE in our new home (praying that everything will work out!).

2013 was a year of hard work with little result, during which I learned the virtue of patience through quiet storm.
I worked hard on several projects only to face a series of disappointments, many of which were beyond my control. I'm still learning and being an adult in its truest sense, learning to smile through the rain and dance through the storm.

Sometimes though, I think I simply didn't work hard enough.

Whatever the case, I'm excited for 2014 and all the changes & challenges it will bring. I must work harder and continue to push forward while remembering to count the numerous blessings that surround me.

My most precious gift from God of course, are my two girls- and here is a picture of them right before releasing their wishing lantern. Elise was a little scared by the fire but Tessa, as always, proved to be a trooper with big dreams.

Frozen

Source: Flickr crashtrope

Sometimes I wonder, just how it all started, how it came to be what it is, and why we couldn't walk away sooner. Was it your calming voice that is neither deep nor high, your smile that is neither bright nor shy-- or was it your quiet demeanor that is neither caring nor careless.

Perhaps it was this ambivalence that made me falter and lose my pride. Perhaps it was the indifference you always treated me with, the indifference that no one in the world showed, but you.

I was tired. Tired of the caring, tired of the protecting, the maintaining, the questioning, and the answering. Sometimes all I wanted was silence and apathy. I'd tell myself I want to connect when in reality, I feel most comfortable floating aimlessly like a ghost. Sometimes I want to step away from everyone and everything and just be, in silence.

My life is anything but indifferent, anything but silent, and this is perhaps why I couldn't walk away sooner. Now that I'm walking away from your world of cold and damp non-emotions, I feel vibrant and warm. My heart begins to flutter and I'm beginning to remember what it feels like to live an ordinary life.

Good-bye my silent love, good-bye. Thank you for the years of indifference, for giving my frozen heart a companion.

Now I leave my cold heart at your doorstep, for there is no room for her in my warm home.

Eternal night has passed; sun arises at the break of dawn.

Good-bye.

Jean Rhys: After Leaving Mr. Mackenzie

Source Flickr neekaisweird

from After Leaving Mr. Mackenzie (1931)

And suddenly she was immensely calm and indifferent to anything that had ever happened or could possibly happen to her. It was like that. Just when in another moment your brain would burst, it was always like that. She sat placidly with her knees rather wide apart, and her eyes fixed calm.

She felt nothing, except that she was tired and that she wished to be left alone to rest there, quietly, in the darkened room. It seemed to her that she had been there forever and that she always would be there, and that getting up, moving, would be impossible. But they must leave her alone, leave her alone. Then even that thought left her. She floated…floated….And shut her eyes.

Black & White Decor

I have an exciting new project underway- collecting inspirations for my dream home!

We've been searching for a new home for months now and so far it's been a rather tiring and frustrating experience. When we find a home we absolutely love, it is priced above our budget or a cash buyer takes it. I was sure I found my dream house last week -- until the bank counter offered and it went to someone else.

The real estate market in Southern California remains difficult and bubbly for buyers but I'm not giving up until I find the perfect home.

I'm a firm believer that just like marriage, there is that perfect home that is meant for me and my family. With enough patience, time and prayers, things will work out!

Meanwhile, here are some black and white decor ideas I'm inspired by. Because I tend to get tired of bright colors, I'm leaning towards simple neutral (eggshell) walls with black, white and brown furniture with accent colors that I can switch out depending on the mood & season.

I like the utilization of masculine /feminine, dichotomous look of black & white pulled together by gold accents. Brown, beige or taupe colors seem to work just as well.

Image via Pinterest

Via 79ideas

Love the symmetry and use of light, neutral colors with black lines. Love the layering of textures and patterns- all in the same neutral tone.

Via Carina Orlander

I adore this workspace, although I'd need more room. I doubt I can maintain something like this with two kids who love to crawl all over me when I'm at my desk but a girl can still dream, right?